I feel so defeated...I read so many stories of people who just do and just are the diet. I just do not understand why I do not have that bug or itch... you know the bug or itch that tells you that you need to follow the diet or take of formula. I am trying to take it one step at a time, become regular with my formula and then work on counting the equivalents. I feel so alone and out of it... at times. I go back to when I grew up a lot because it is funny how you remember things as an adult. I realized how uninvolved I was in my diet when I was a kid; besides the cooking I was not part of the structuring or counting of my diet so as an adult I am at a loss. The transition to it to my responsibility was not smooth I was a teenager and in my own words a tirant!!!! I did not want to understand the importance of the diet and my mom wanted me to take control of the diet. So it was my choice... at age 13, no diet, that was my choice. I did not want to be special I wanted to be like all the kids at my school eating pizza, bugers etc. I decided to boycott this major part of my life. Denying that this diet was any part of me. Sometimes it helps to talk about it. Am I alone or has anybody else felt like this or had an experience like this? Everytime I try to move forward with the diet I mess it up by forgetting to bring my formula to work or to take it. I guess it just brings up all the feelings from the past. Leaving me feel so defeated.