Hi. I'm Terry. I'm 34 with classic pku. I was one of the generation that was told we could go off diet after a certain age, so I spent 6 years off diet, and have spend the last 15 trying to get back on. Yes, 15 years. Let's be honest, its not difficult to drink 3 PKU coolers a day. Its difficult, but not insurmountable to watch the foods that you eat-what is proving near impossible is the emotional struggle. I feel an overwhelming amount of failure. The list of things I've lost to, directly or indirectly, high levels is long and has been very painful at times. I've lost countless jobs, friends, my wife, but even moreso, a sense of me. I feel like...I know who I am, but being off diet and having my levels so whacked, I'm not him. I war within myself all the time, hoping desperately that the true Terry will win, not the effed up off diet Terry. I'm told when you're on diet for a while you feel better. I'm told ill start thinking clearly, and all the way normally in a year maybe. Thing is, I don't KNOW any of that. What I know is I try and fail at diet over and over again. I can't seem to figure out a way to do it, and I don't know what to do differently. I live in Canada, and in my province we have some low pro foods covered in our free healthcare, which is great, but even that isn't motivation. Its true that the longer you're off diet, the harder it is to get back on, and the more desperately you need to get back on. That's how I feel-im treading water because I know drowning (just going off diet for life) isn't an option. Anyway, I'm sorry that there's so much in here, I've never known any PKU adults that were off and returned other than my brother, and I clearly could use the support. Any comments at all are welcome! Even a "hang in there" from people that actually know what I'm going through would be amazing!